The Countdown

 

Four days and counting until the end of Lent. While I enjoy the challenge of writing daily - about something, anything - I look forward to going back to "only" writing in my 5 year journal and my run-of-the-mill journal. I eschewed posting links to the blog this year, wanting to have freedom from my interior editor or from the performer writing for some audience. Still, I thought writing during Lent without the advertising may produce more candid reflections, which in turn may help me enter into the "spirit of Lent" - walking the desert places of my story, finding the springs, releasing burdens I no longer wished to carry.

I still wrote for an audience, knowing J would read the posts daily. Yet when he became my marketer, I knew I had written more authentically as I cringed during any story he shared about "selling" my blog for the day to some group of friends. In horror, I thought of those who may read and if I wanted people to know all the secrets I put down in html. 

If sitting at the computer at the end of the day has lead me anywhere this Lent, it's helped me recognize the exhaustion I feel at the end of most days - am I really this tired everyday? And if I am - why don't I sleep longer or more? (oh, that's right. . .hot flashes!!!!!! for one) Or why not write earlier? (maybe this is why other writers spend the first half of the day writing, not the last dregs of it) Or how might I change what I do in a day to not come to its end pooped out? Or maybe I need to simply extend myself grace because - excuse me - this is how I am created - I need to rest!

In this regard, I fit right in with the 4 and 5-year-olds: red-faced, tearful, rubbing their eyes - every part of their tiny bodies screaming for sleep - but by golly, they want to stay up to play - enjoying their toys, their families, their friends. 

My play just happens to be staring at a cursor, dipping into my brain's wanderings and beginning to type. And this is the other gift of Lent - realizing what I have *always* known. I love to simply start writing and see what happens. I get a charge from following hunches, one line leading to the next, becoming obvious (usually) with each new phrase. 

But now, I'm tired, and I promised myself I'd try to get to sleep earlier tonight. 

Sleep tight. 

PRACTICE

Lectio Divina: Read the following passage through after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving. 

Matthew 11: 25-30

25 At that time Jesus said, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and the intelligent and have revealed them to infants; 26 yes, Father, for such was your gracious will. 27 All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”