A day that leaps
- or even a year -
holding the extra time
(the precious moments)
which does not fit into
our framework of days
All the "misfits"
swept together
from one year to another
Until their congregation
no longer needs to hide:
Parading and jumping and singing and dancing.
Then the 24 precious hours
are gone.
A sun rising high
A moon hollowing the sky
And I
sit here, thinking of you.
Seemingly, the "squishy" bits of the animal inhabiting the shell, excretes calcium carbonate which eventually hardens into the shell spiral as seen above. The shape in mathematics has some relationship with the Fibonacci Sequence (though not perfect), and after taking way-too-much of a deep dive on this math professor's website, I read the following:
"We should really think of this curve as spiraling inward forever as well as outward. It is hard to draw; you can visualize water swirling around a tiny drainhole, being drawn in closer as it spirals but never falling in."
While my imagination wants to create some meaning to this symbol materializing during my CP practice ("Will my questions be forever spiraling toward me and away from me?" or "The Eternal came to me in my dream-state symbolically" or "my spiritual path is eternal," etc.), I think most who interpret dreams would say remembering this symbol is enough. So here it is - a memory which "may" last forever on the World Wide Web.
As is often the case when I write these daily missives, I am exhausted, so not much more to share. If I end up relating this to The Eternal - how striking for God to symbolize Self with a gastropod. According to the mathematician one finds this pattern on the branches of trees, pine cones, pineapples, the center pad of flowers (asters, sunflowers, daisies) - almost like God's fingerprints - God's presence? - mark all of creation. And if God is there, so is Love.
PRACTICE
Lectio Divina: Read the following passage through after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving.
1 When God began to create[a] the heavens and the earth, 2 the earth was complete chaos, and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from God swept over the face of the waters. 3 Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 And God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.
9 And God said, “Let the waters under the sky be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.” And it was so. 10 God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good. 11 Then God said, “Let the earth put forth vegetation: plants yielding seed and fruit trees of every kind on earth that bear fruit with the seed in it.” And it was so. 12 The earth brought forth vegetation: plants yielding seed of every kind and trees of every kind bearing fruit with the seed in it. And God saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.
If I acted out of those parameters, ostracization in the form of the silent treatment was standard. Then with a drug using sibling and enabling parents, I learned quickly lies pepper everyone's existence - even those people who maintain their Christian morals and values.
Much of my life I've harped on honesty - demanding it of myself in relationship with others - and wanting it in return, but then suspecting intrigue - particularly if my heart was involved. One reason I initially loved J stemmed from his ability to live through my distrust until I realized my history did not need to be my future. He is also a genuine human being with a heart of gold, so all that helped cement my love, too.
Still, the questions fill my mind some days - ghosts of a life lived long ago - haunting me and obscuring my vision of what is actually happening around me. My training tells me all of those ghosts originate somewhere between my hippocampus and amygdala, and they get stirred up easily sometimes with cues I may not even recognize.
And again, centering prayer and mindfulness arrive to usher those parts of my brain to an oceanfront cabana with a cucumber-lemon water, sunscreen and a good book - if I take time to give them the time of day. Then somewhere in the doing, the breeze of the Spirit blows in reminding me of Love and God's Presence in and among all creation.
PRACTICE
Lectio Divina: Read the following passage through after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving.
Romans 8:31-35, 37-39 (NRSV)
Like the Wicked Witch of the West.
One of our group members used Oz as a metaphor, and when a secretary made the comment about being "the Wicked Witch of the West," I thought of her and said a prayer for her. The secretary has never used an Oz reference in the two years I've known her. It seemed somewhere on the spectrum of serendipity and synchronicity - important to pay attention to these.
Or maybe a mountain.
An image given to me involved climbing a mountain and being on a mountain, and tonight, the encouragement for lectio divina from the book I'm reading was Exodus 3:1-6, where Moses took the flock past the wilderness and to the mountain of God (Mt Horeb). I had not considered "my mountain" the "mountain of God," but any created thing has some origin in God, yes? (We can get into the 'did God create evil' question once I've slept for about 7.5 hours - but maybe not then either.) I pay attention to the coincidence.
How about a campfire. . .
. . .where the wood never burns up because somehow the flame perpetuates its own combustion and God's presence waits for someone to pay attention.
The detail of God "noticing Moses paying attention" and then calling out to Moses causes me to wonder if God was hanging out looking for conversation, and if anyone took a step to reach out in curiosity or amazement, God called out to him/her/them. What might God say to me if God notices I am paying attention? "Draw near to God, and God will draw near to you," as James writes (4:8). My impression from reading Scripture is God always looks to see if any of us are even trying to pay attention, because if we are, God will be there to reach back to us.
Hope the week has started well.
PRACTICE
Lectio Divina: Read the following passage through after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving.
Exodus 3:1-6
1 Moses was keeping the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian; he led his flock beyond the wilderness and came to Mount Horeb, the mountain of God. 2 There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire out of a bush; he looked, and the bush was blazing, yet it was not consumed. 3 Then Moses said, “I must turn aside and look at this great sight and see why the bush is not burned up.” 4 When the Lord saw that he had turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.” 5 Then he said, “Come no closer! Remove the sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” 6 He said further, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God.
"Thus says the Lord:
We held Jeremiah's words in the holy space of our circle today with the encouragement to see what stood out. While I did not feel particularly tired during the session, my emotions shouted at me with "and find rest for your souls."
My life of late often leaves me exhausted at the end of the day. When I am "on" at work, the day more often than not follows me home, sometimes disrupting my sleep. With my time "off," the days grow as full, and I drift into dreams not realizing I fell asleep in the first place.
Because I want to find this rest for my soul, I wonder who I "ask for the ancient paths." God, of course, but who else? I like the non-need for creativity or productivity inherent in the statement. I don't have to be a trailblazer, an inventor, a visionary - I simply need to have the humility to ask where it is I need to walk - the trail has already been blazed and from all reports - it is a "good way" to go.
Since it's the Bible and I align myself with Christianity, I totally read Jesus into it (though He would not be alive for hundreds of years). He journeyed the path before any of us, made sure the way was good and then set to telling people about it and walking along with them.
Sometimes the ancient paths aren't rocket science, i.e., I'm exhausted, the ancient path equates to going to sleep, on time and with at least 9 hours before I need to be up; but other times we need a person or people to show us where the good way lies.
In these moments, the Love of God comes to us through community and our ability to open our lives to the community and ask for the paths we need to find. . .because they are there, waiting for us to walk in them.
PRACTICE
Lectio Divina: Read through the passage at the top of the post after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving.
My experience of Qigong consists of two events: A mid-afternoon practice during a group retreat at Penuel Ridge Retreat Center and then today, via Zoom, as prelude to an afternoon of group spiritual direction. The gentleman leading the movement took us through a practice which included the 4 elements. My imagination ignited with the wood element set as he instructed us to hug small trees and big trees in succession. I felt the soft, shaggy bark of our old cedar trees caress my cheek, then stared skyward in amazement as a great sequoia took its place, my arms toothpicks to its towering wonder.
Then tonight, a full moon poured its shimmering light into the front yard, peek-a-booing with the cedars and pines, the redbuds and cherry and for a moment my teenaged self remembered staring at these same trees. The main road's traffic slowed considerably at night with the now-abundant housing developments years away from construction. The night grew still with the moon casting peace on the land, the stars whispering their reminders of our beginnings and our endings. The hush sounded in my busy mind and soul, and I could stand with the trees, intercepting the light, bathing in its glow and breathing in the expansiveness of the universe.
As I "held" the sequoia this morning, I recognized while I might try to hold the sequoia, its enormity could not be held. It could fill my arms to overflowing a thousand (a million?) times over and still have more to give.
God (and God is Love) is gargantuan in comparison to the width and height of the sequoias - all of them. Paul prays in Ephesians 3 for all of us to know the height, width, depth and length of Christ's Love and to experience this Love, so we may be filled to measure of ALL the FULLNESS of GOD (my emphasis, but really, it needs to be emphasized). We cannot get a hold on God, yet God offers to hold us and to fill us to the brim with Love (and I believe "overflowing with Love" is more God's goal).
So go ahead and try to hold a sequoia, I think you'll find, as I did, your arms opened wide in praise.
PRACTICE
Lectio Divina: Read the following passage through after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving.
Ephesians 3:14-21, NRSV
14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family[b] in heaven and on earth takes its name. 16 I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit 17 and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love. 18 I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine, 21 to him be glory in the church and[c] in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
♥️
Dear J,
At this moment, I know you read these daily posts AND I know you are the only one who does so. This, too, is a metaphor for your love for me - showing up when no one else does, reaching out to me day-to-day again and again, cheering me on, believing in me, encouraging me to take the next step. Because of your abiding love, I experience God's Love and can trust it as I never could before we met.
You have been my sounding board, my support, the one who funneled love to me as if the world is full of Love - and slowly through these years together, with the steady stream of your love to me, I feel love in my soul consistently and rest in Love in ways I have not been able to rest before you.
On another late night, with too much to do and to little time to do it in, I find us laughing at exploding Coke cans in the pantry and your patience with cleaning up the mess once again. You tell me you are proud of me. You rub my shoulders, kiss my neck and wish me sweet dreams.
This is our life together - as well as conspiring for crazy adventures, weeding the flower beds (again), chasing the little dog as he ventures to see "the girls," digging more holes for yet more plants, waking up ridiculously early to get our runs in, exclaiming at the overly complicated instructions for yet another not-Faster-Way-at-all meal, and loving all kinds of breads and desserts of our own making. And breakfasts, lots of breakfasts together with all the cream and coffee we can muster, outside ideally.
So this is my love letter to you - my dearest Love.
Occasionally, I find a rock on its side and as I walk, I resurrect it, but today, chaos reigned in the labyrinth. The garden stakes, acting as guides to the nautical rope and helping the rope maintain its course, raised themselves high as if considering a strike. The lunations on a quarter of the circumference lay strewn to one side or the other, sometimes obstructing the path or opening it to the vagaries of the back yard. The rocks normally standing at attention in the labyrinth's opening (and closing) prostrated themselves to the ground, many with mud, worms or ants already making homes in the newly found shelter.
A gift of labyrinth walking presents itself in metaphor (yes, I meant to wordplay). For those who teach others how to walk the path, they encourage the walker to pay attention to what occurs during the walk, e.g., Scripture that comes to mind, what art/stain glass/music happens to be within eye/ear shot, does some event take place, etc. Once a butterfly stepping stone became of Word from God for me. Upon seeing the butterfly with wings made of chunks of broken tile and colored glass, God said (in a I-just-know-it-was-God-and-not-me-way), "Your brokenness will be your path to flight." At that very moment, the phrase became one of my life's mantras.
So today, with the plethora of discombobulation on the path, I pondered how it might be interpreted. At the time, I considered the day: Not a banner one - not enough sleep, sensing a deep desire to modify much of my life plan (read: crawl-out-of-my-skin-in-discomfort "deep desire") and a growing sense of dread for a project whose deadline looms (read: likely reason for my deep desire to modify my life plan). I kicked myself for any number of reasons, which eventually led to my assuming the metaphor of the "disarrayed path" somehow reminded me of the necessity to care for my spiritual life and my work life by taking one step at a time, repositioning/reordering the practices of my life and bit-by-bit getting everything back on course. A fair interpretation and not completely incorrect. . .
Then I engaged in a lectio divina practice tonight on Psalm 121 (posted below for your own practice, if you'd like to join in) and the phrase which stood out for me was "The LORD is [my] Keeper," keeping me from all evil, keeping my life, keeping my going out and my coming in forever more. Yes, I have the ability to exert some influence on the path I walk, but the LORD is my Keeper and the Keeper of my path - even when I knock all the rocks around and rip up the rope myself. This is Love doing what Love does - holding us all the days of our lives.
PRACTICE
Lectio Divina: Read the following passage through after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving.
Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
from where will my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 He who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade at your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time on and forevermore.
J asked me how I decided what to write day-to-day for the blog. So far, I said, I look for a theme of the day and then take it to the page and see what happens. Today's theme centered around types of self-care.
While self-care echoes a previous post about self-love, one will participate in more fulfilling self-care if self-love has taken some root. Otherwise, the motivation to pay attention to the self's wants or needs seems selfish, maybe even curmudgeonly (I won't care for you because my needs are the only ones that matter.). And any self-doubt about self-care will reflect in those around you. I believe the phenomena occurs because of "mirror neurons" in our brain which fire congruently when someone else shares an emotion or action, and we "experience" feeling or doing the action. An example: When Julia Roberts dies in Steel Magnolias, and I cry like a baby with all the other characters. My brain knows the feelings of loss, and I feel them as readily as it appears the characters feel them.
Anyway, feeling selfish about an action toward self-care likely shows up on your face, in your posture, in your voice, and those around you then mirror your guilt back to you "verifying" you are selfish for getting the massage instead of taking the two hours to cook a meal for the family (or whatever scenario fits.). Yet I digress.
J and I slept in today, and I luxuriated in the feeling of refreshment. We went for a run (caring for my body's health) and ate breakfast in the sun (a treat on any day). I finished a project for work (one less thing on the list!) and I spent time listening to two different speakers discuss various aspects of self-care.
One took a deep dive into mindfulness where a key component maintains the absolute necessity of nonjudgmental appraisals of all of one's life. Continuing to accept all the positive and negative aspects of one's life nonjudgmentally, over time, creates more space for enjoying life and growing cognitive flexibility. Self-care here involves becoming intimately aware of one's self and one's thoughts; holding both without judgment; and in accepting the good/bad/ugly, one accepts herself/himself fully and can accept others more readily as well.
The second speaker spoke about her own journey to creative living which found her at the brink of a PhD (and a life of consistent predictability), but lacking enthusiasm. For her, she "did the scary thing" and pivoted into a program where she immediately recognized the concordance of her inner self with all she learned and with whom she studied. Her self-care was listening to the still small voice which told her all along to ditch the secure path and follow her instincts.
A book J bought me arrived today as well: The Vital Spark: Reclaim Your Outlaw Energies and Find Your Feminine Fire. From reading thus far, the Spark's reclamation hinges on accepting culturally unacceptable feminine traits such as disagreeableness, desire, authority and shrewdness - traits we often judge in ourselves or other women as "improper" or "not nice." As the speaker tonight said, niceness will get you a long way, but it won't fulfill you (my paraphrase).
Self-care ultimately grows out of an awareness of God's great Love - as I attune my ears to the still small voice within and all around me - as I experience God's Love of me exactly as I am with all the positives and all the negatives - I see God has formed all of me and says again, "You are my daughter in whom I am well pleased."
Below is a passage for lectio divina. Read it through after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving.
Read Psalm 139: 13-18
Photo credit here. Eastern Angel Blow upon this sea Thick with reeds And re-create Dry land from Water’s depth So all of us Living in capt...
