Feeling the Edge

I spent time with a college friend tonight catching up on threads of our lives we have not had opportunity to discuss since the beginning of the year. We talked about family, jobs, pets - the thorny problems, the unexpected pleasures and the confounding issues with childhood onset which ebb and flow in intensity. Neither of us sense we have the time to do all we want or need to do, and depending on the day, the fact proves defeating or simply inevitable. 

Boundaries (maybe limitations?) give me an opportunity for choice, though. If I encounter them reflectively, they encourage me to spend time doing what matters to me. If I find I cannot choose to do what matters to me, I again have a choice: take steps to get into a position to "choose my own adventure" or adjust what I can to incorporate more of what matters to me (what gives me life, if you will). 

A gift and frustration of middle age is the recognition of more limits, more boundaries - but maybe this means more choices, a narrowing of focus, a purifying of my goals. The problem remains my deep enjoyment of wanting to do everything. My more practical side tells me I can't do everything, but even considering all the possibilities enthralls me and juices the battery. I think it's genetic. 

Seemingly, I have a great uncle who spent his days in elementary school, atlas opened in his lap, pointing to all the places on its pages saying, "I want to go there and there and there." The story goes he had sailed the seven seas before his 20th birthday - he had explored the world as he wanted. I don't know, of course, if the other 40+ years of his life felt complete or fulfilling, but I imagine the desire to wander never left. I'm projecting, of course, because I'm guessing the wanderlust won't leave me. . . 

But the energy of youth will leave, and has to some degree - a boundary. 

Psychology says children with boundaries grow up to be more confident adults. Something about playing within a strong framework reinforces a sense of safety, maybe even a sense of mastery. Then as the child grows and boundaries broaden, the child masters more and more of his/her world finding a safe place to experiment within the limitations provided. 

We need limitations, it seems, in every phase of life.

Maybe Lent is a time of living into the limitations, giving us freedom to make mistakes within the loving boundaries God provides, but also allowing the limitations to help us discover what we need to release because we simply don't have room or time for it anymore as well as to help us choose what brings us to life.

PRACTICE

Lectio Divina: Read the following passage through after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving. 

Psalm 16: 5-11, NRSV

5 The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
    you hold my lot.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
    I have a goodly heritage.

7 I bless the Lord, who gives me counsel;
    in the night also my heart instructs me.
8 I keep the Lord always before me;
    because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my soul rejoices;
    my body also rests secure.
10 For you do not give me up to Sheol
    or let your faithful one see the Pit.

11 You show me the path of life.
    In your presence there is fullness of joy;
    in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Photo credits: Found on this site.