In the stillness

By Gustav Klimt - Google Art Project, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=38827275

I joined my centering prayer group via zoom and spent the 20 minutes of silence taking in the views outside my window. A mallard landed in the pool, swam from one edge to the next, then hopped out and took off like a shot. A crane glided down to the lake's edge, then walked counterclockwise neck expanding and contracting with each step. As the sun rose, a tree portiere welcomed it through the horizon's threshold - a French fuchsia edging up, revealing an ever expanding disk; a cherry to top the pillowing clouds.

My hopes high for a well-paced day, I felt tired from too many overnight disruptions. Still, I packed my bag with running gear to take a few exploratory miles after work was done. By the time the sun set, I had spent the entire day inside and had little left: daylight, energy, desire. I wanted food - the more carbs and fat the better - and I wanted rest. 

J and I talked as I drove to the other side of town, and he reported a similar trajectory: tough night for sleep, feeling scattered throughout the day and entering into an evening spent. I hated being away from him - was the distance worth whatever we might gain? Could I coax relaxation out of his body, isometric hug him until his tank was full? Could my presence in our bed help him sleep more soundly, rest less fitfully? Is my agency as a healer in this world worth its salt if I do not first offer my gifts of healing to him? 

As I watched the mallard in the pool this morning, I sensed God watching with me - taking in the duck's experimentation, waiting to see what it would do next. I sensed God sitting and watching me - holding the night of too little sleep and my body begging for rest and suffering with me, noticing the struggle, cheering me on. I'd love to say I carried that through my day, but I didn't. Considering it now, I find gratitude, but my emotional connectivity at the moment keeps flipping the hour glass. 

And God is here, sitting with me and carrying on, carrying me - "Eh," "yeh", "Eh," "yeh." 

PRACTICE

Lectio Divina: Read the following passage through after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving. 

Ephesians 3:18-21, NRSV

18 I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine, 21 to him be glory in the church and[a] in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.