Fog and mist

Photo found here.

 During chaplaincy training, my supervisor encouraged many of us to get in touch with our anger as most of us grew up in Christian traditions where anger equated sin. His life goals consisted of trying to get as many "good Christians" angry as possible. He also made comments about people who harp on grace or love as those who know the least about either - in receiving it or in giving it. We talked about the Johari Window - a cognitive psychological practice where one comes to understand his/her "blind spot" better, but also to recognize the parts of the self s/he keeps hidden (among other things).

While my group never participated in a Johari Window exercise, I occasionally think of the premise and wonder how often my blind spots show. And I *think* I'd want someone to give me the heads up, especially if it hampers relationally. Of course, I have a face that looks permanently ticked off if I am not actively smiling, so it's kind of baked in whether anyone "found it in her heart" to reveal this truth to me. 

I used to not know about the ticked off facial feature, however, or imagined it was that bad until this summer. We met a falconer, and he provided education about the birds, even allowing us to persuade the bird to land on our heavily leathered wrists via a small snack of meat. Well, someone took a picture while I raptly listened to his talk, and it looked as if my talons were out given the intensity of my glare.

I mention all of this because maybe most of us are not what we think we are. We are neither as good as we may think, nor are we as bad. I espouse love, but feel rage as my brother asks my father to give him a car. I kick myself for becoming engulfed by frustration over a situation with a coworker, but then have genuine happiness when the same coworker obtains a milestone. We are all colloids in this way - a mixture of sunshine and rain, oil and water - and we don't get separated until maybe the "last day" (in eschatological terms). 

While habits and practices will hopefully move me in more life-giving directions, I am not getting out of this matrix, and maybe if I accept it - embrace it even - my ability to experience God's love for me will grow. And maybe more important - my ability to accept and love others as they are will grow as well.

PRACTICE

Lectio Divina: Read the following passage through after a few deep breaths and pay attention to any word or phrase which sticks out for you. Read through again and pay attention to anything further you notice about the word/phrase and how it applies to you. Read through again and spend time in prayer with the word/phrase asking God what you need to understand/know/do with the word/phrase (i.e., How might God be guiding you? What needs your further action? Where may your understanding need to be changed or expanded? How may this impact your relationship with someone else?). End with a time of thanksgiving. 

Matthew 3:7-12 , NRSV

7 But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming for his[b]baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? 8 Therefore, bear fruit worthy of repentance, 9 and do not presume to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our ancestor,’ for I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children to Abraham. 10 Even now the ax is lying at the root of the trees; therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.

11 “I baptize you with water for repentance, but the one who is coming after me is more powerful than I, and I am not worthy to carry his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. 12 His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and will gather his wheat into the granary, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.”